Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all. This year's Christmas has come and gone again. It always seems to creep up on you and then before you know it is over.
We had a really good Christmas though. The best Christmas gift that I received was that my vomiting has ended. I am off the Zofran pills finally. I still feel nauseated at times but I can handle that. I almost feel like I now have the morning sickness aspect of being pregnant, as I typically feel sick in the morning, then I eat something and feel fine.
The other exciting aspect is that I can definitely feel the baby kicking, poking and moving about inside me. It seems to like to hang out right under my right ribs, as I seem to feel the babe there daily now. It is cool that Ryan is able to feel the baby now, it is a neat thing to share.
We had our "big" ultrasound the on December 21st. This is the scan in which they can tell us the gender of the babe. We had decided to not find out and we kept to our decision. It was awful tempting to know that the ultrasound tech beside me knew exactly what we were having. It will be a good surprise though, and as one lady said it may be inspiration to get the baby out. The scan went well though, everything that they looked for was there. The estimated weight of the babe was 10 ounces. I will post a pic of the ultrasound.
The first of many girlfriends had her baby this week. Aliesha had a baby girl Ava Grace on Thursday. I am so excited for them. Congratulations Aliesha, Steve and little Ava! Next will be either Nat or Leanne, then Heidi and then me!
We traveled to Ontario twice as I had to work on Christmas Eve, so we had to come back for me to work and then left again on Christmas Day. We got to spend time with our families which was great. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a safe and happy New Year.

Marshmallow World

Yes, we are living in a marshmallow world, and I love it! This morning when I was awaken by a loud clang of thunder I wondered what month I had slept until. I looked out the window to the blustery snow and tried to forget that I had to get up soon to drive to work. We had two loud clangs of thunder along with lightning. Pretty strange phenomenon to be having that during a snow storm.

I love the marshmallow world that fresh snow brings. I looked out the window at the trees covered in snow, the snow stacked up on the branches that later that day fluttered to the ground. The cars that were outside where a round mound of snow, actually looking like marshmallows. Oh, how I would have loved to have the day off. Just to sit and watch the snow come down and watch some Christmas movies with Ryan, perhaps by a roaring fire. However, the sick where a' callin, and off went the "sleigh" (as Ryan and I call the Grand Prix in the winter) into the storm. It was a slow go with horrid roads, or rather paths, and poor visibility, but me and the babe made it to work fine.

Work was a rather strange day. It was nice in the fact that many visitors where unable to make it in. I know that sounds horrible to say, but it is nice when there isn't a whole gaggle of people milling around your patients room as you come in and out trying to dance around them to do your job. My day was strange in the way of the people I cared for. Strange stories, strange personalities, strange habits, just plain strange people. My one patient tried to pet my face when I would bend over her, and she called me "her treasure." Now, if this was a cute little 85 year old lady, that would be fine, but rather this was a 43 year old lady, who told me even though she couldn't see with out her contacts in, I was really pretty. So, you can see how my day was just plain strange. Maybe it had to do with the thunder crashes from the morning - just set people off.

Christmas is just around the corner, and we are doing pretty good. Most of the gifts are bought. Ryan started to wrap this weekend, which is a great help. All the cards have been sent out, except for the neighbours. The house isn't decorated with my normal splendor but it is fine for this year, I just didn't feel up to it.

On the pregnancy front, I think I am starting to feel a tiny bit better. I had a couple of days without my Zofran pill. The first day I felt pretty good. I went out shopping, and only had a few incidents in which I thought I may be sick. I didn't feel 100% on the second day, but I got through it. I just wish my appetite would improve. I have started to feel the baby moving about inside me. Which is exciting. Ryan even thought he felt it moving last Sunday night which was cool. I haven't a clue what gender this babe is. I use to think girl, and now I am just clueless. Today, I listened to the heart beat at work, just checking in on it. The baby was moving around quite a bit so I couldn't get a real accurate heart rate. I think it was around 150. We go on Thursday for our anatomical ultrasound. This is the ultrasound where they could tell you what sex the baby is. We have decided we can wait until May. We might as well enjoy the surprise.

Anyways, I am exhausted and my back is killing me. Off to bed, night night all.

November Update

Well, I haven't written much this month again. I guess I am still battling with my body's reaction to this little being inside me. The nausea and vomiting has not subsided yet leaving me disappointed. I am now into my 15th week and I was quite hopeful by now I would be feeling more like the "old Kelly" that I have grown to miss. My MD told me at my last visit that it could last until 18 weeks, so I guess there is nothing to do but stick it out. I still haven't gained any weight. Even though I am starting to look rounder, especially in my eyes, the scales are not climbing. I am still down 8 pounds from the beginning of this journey. What is driving me really nuts is the way that people seem to judge me. It is almost like people think I am trying not to gain weight. People will tell me I need to eat more, or my favourite, that I am starving the baby. Do people really think that I am enjoying this feeling of nausea, the gagging feeling whenever I put something into my mouth. Believe me, I would love to be big - have gained a gazillion pounds by now. I expected it to be that way, not this way where I am still depending on pills and ginger ale daily. Anyone that has dealt with nausea, especially this hyperemesis state in which I can get into, understands what I am going through. But the majority of people think that it is just part of being pregnant and that to suck it up. I would love for those people to live a couple of days with my stomach. Then maybe they wouldn't be so judgemental.

Anyways, enough with that rant. November has come and gone quickly. We celebrated Ryan's 28th birthday on November 14th. This is the first time that we have gone out to eat at a restaurant since the day that we found out we were pregnant. We went to "Famous Dave's" and ate some BBQ. It was pretty good. I especially liked the baked beans and the potatoes. All in all, I think Ryan had a good day. His day at work sucked, he didn't even take a lunch break but once he got home he said his birthday was good.

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and in reflection I believe I started this blog about a year ago when I was getting ready for our Thanksgiving party. This year we decided to forgo the festivities as I have been so sick and really didn't feel like putting on a party for 24 people and having 17 sleep over. We did miss our families not being here. This is the first Thanksgiving that we haven't celebrated since we came here four years ago. However, I did work Thanksgiving day, which means more excitedly, I will be off for Christmas Day! I have been scheduled to work every Christmas day since I became a nurse. I am very excited about that.

Drum Roll Please . . . .

Well, today I have quite a large announcement for all you my fellow bloggers. It will explain my absence from the blogging world over the past couple of months. It is not that I have been on a secret mission for the government, or fighting the terrible fires in California.. It is much more exciting. ... Wait for it, hear it comes.... We are PREGNANT!

Yeppers, I thought I needed to join all you others - Aliesha, Leanne, Natalie, Heidi, Megan. So here we are, tomorrow we will be 13 weeks. We are so excited and looking forward to this new journey in our life.

I had been home to my parent's for a weekend to help my friend Patti pick out her wedding dress. At that point I was only a couple of days late on my period. But I felt very tired and I felt just different. Ryan and I were trying to get pregnant so it is always in your mind that maybe you are pregnant. Anyways, on the way home from my parent's I stopped and bought a home pregnancy test. As soon as I got home, I took the test and sure enough it was positive. We read, and reread the instructions. Making sure we were reading it right. We looked at each other in shock/happiness. We couldn't believe it was true. We went out to celebrate at Carraba's as all I wanted to eat was vegetables. I craved vegetables for the first couple of weeks. All I wanted was vegetables, vegetables, vegetables. Little did I know that soon I wouldn't be craving anything. At this point, I was cocky, and thought. I feel great. I am going to be one of the 20 % who doesn't get morning sickness. Boy was I wrong.

So, let me recap our last 3 months for you. I guess I could have titled this blog "Ode to the toilet" and that would pretty much sum up the first trimester. I am just reading my diary and I see that on week 5 I got my first episode of nausea. Before that point, I was feeling absolutely great. I was eating well, exercising, and feeling generally wonderful. Week 6 hit with a vengeance. I was vomiting non stop. Yeah! I was sick for 36 hours straight. I couldn't keep anything down. Not even a Popsicle, or a sip of ginger ale. So much for the vegetables. We called the Doctor and got into see him. I had lost 4 pounds since my initial visit, 2 weeks before and I couldn't even sit up in the clinic. The doctor looked worried. He was telling me about if he admitted me it would be for 3 days and such. We decided to try some anti emetic medication first and if that didn't work then he would have to admit me. Luckily the pills worked. By that night, I was eating a Popsicle without throwing it up. He did put me off work for about a week and half, and gave me the diagnosis of Hyperemesis gravidarum. Then I had an episode of spotting. Which put me in for an ultrasound at week 8 to "check viability". Talk about nervousness. But when we heard that little heart beat and saw the pack of cells, which would become our baby, Ryan and I were overjoyed.

Canadian Thanksgiving arrived and we decided we were going to tell our family. We wanted everyone to know, and I felt I needed their support through this sickness. Up to that point, only my sister Pam knew. So, I made announcement cards with a copy of the 8 week ultrasound and gave them to our immediate family. Everyone thought they were opening Thanksgiving cards, so they was really surprised. It was great to see their reaction and their excitement.

So, with my anti emetic pills, I have been getting through this pregnancy. I have still been battling periods of vomiting and of course the nausea doesn't really go away. But it is bearable, and definitely worth it in the long run. I am starting to feel more like myself. Not as tired and maybe not as nauseated. I am hoping that soon it will be gone.

Last week, we had our first part of our Sequential screen. This is a test that helps detect neurotube defects, Downs, and Trisomy 18. You get an ultrasound and blood work done sequentially. It was so cool to actually see a baby inside me this time. We could see the face so clearly. The baby was moving around. It looks like the baby is having a great time inside me, stretching and just hanging out. As well, to hear the heart rate is just unbelievable. This is definitely one of the most coolest things we have ever done. At this point, we have decided that we are not going to find out the sex of the baby. Here are the pics of our baby. The baby has its arms above their head, just lounging out inside me... so cute.

Hot Topics

Every day people discuss "hot topics" as the ladies on "The View" would say. These are the topics that make the news and that people talk about. These are the Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton stories that may or may not include their underwear. Our society is seeking these hot topics when we all have our own that could use our own attention.
These are a couple of my thoughts for today that are in my brain... So I guess these are "Kelly's Hot Topics"

1. Teachers
Teachers help to mold our children into educated individuals. Do we hear about the hard work that a teacher puts into their day.... Staying late, going in on weekends to get caught up, planning extra curricular activities, meeting with parents, the list goes on and on. Or do we hear about the teacher's aid who lost it and stapled a note to a child's forehead. (True story in the Detroit area about a couple of weeks ago!) Sadly we hear about the stapled head incident while thousands of teachers are out their putting their effort into your kids. Or we hear about the bad teachers that do unthinkable things to kids. I have family and friends who are teachers and I think that we should applaud their daily efforts. This can't be an easy job in this day and age. Children know that they have been given the power over the classroom as they threaten to tell their parents if the teacher makes them do anything they don't want to do. And you have to wonder, without the teachers where would we all be today?

2. Comfort at the End of Life
Have you ever watched anyone die? I am sure that some of you have with your family members, be it grandparents or parents. This is part of my daily work life. Recently I have been caring for a very sweet man who is probably not going to survive this hospitalization. He is 70 years old and has been fighting cancer for the last year and a half. When I say fighting, I mean it. He walks for 2 hours a day on a tread mill, goes to chemo and radiation and still keeps a positive attitude. Unfortunately, he has a very serious type of pneumonia and he is requiring lots of oxygen via a mechanical ventilator. His vent settings are such that we are at the end of the line as you would say. He lies in his bed, in a sedated coma state. We turn him as often as we can but with movement he decompensates and it takes so long to recover. Sitting beside him, holding his hand is his wife of 52 years. She smiles at me through her misty eyes. She knows it is bad, but she has hope. "He is a fighter." She will reason with me. She tells me it gives her comfort to know that I am caring for him. She says she can stay at home a half hour longer to pay the bills, as she is trying to figure out the bills her husband always paid. She brings us, the nurses, daily nourishment be it cookies or a bag of nuts. She is so thankful for the care her husband is receiving. Every day she walks into the ICU she walks in with her smile. This smile breaks my heart as this smile is constant in her 4 kids. To see them going through this phase of life; watching their dad/husband dying is hard.
She asked me once "How can you be so caring and kind when you see patients not getting better. Isn't it hard for you to be surrounded by this?"
I told her simply "No. I love my job."
She probed a little further "Well, I guess most of your patients get better right?"
I smiled at her, held her hand "When it is some one's time to go, even the miracles of medicine can't stop them."
She smiled at me through her weepy eyes and shook her head. She understands what I am saying.

Ode to September

Bright sunny days. Clear blue skies. This last week has been heavenly and deserves to be appreciated in an "Ode". However, I am not an "Ode" writer. Rather just a blogger, but here is a go at an "Ode to September" Kelly style.....

I love September. It is one of the best months of the year.

The sun shines. The temperature does not soar to unbearable highs but relaxing temperatures where sitting in the sun is enjoyable.

Trees starting to turn, ever so slightly. Giving us a hint of what might be hiding under their greenery.

I hear kids walking to school as I laze in my bed early in the morning. Bikes pedalling, scooters zooming, and sneakers sneaking by.

People whistle as they walk. Breathing in the lovely air. Forgetting about what is to come. The cold and snow.

Drums pounding, clarinets tooting, and saxophones squawking as the marching band practices for the big game on Friday. These sounds travel into our outside dining room as we enjoy our nightly dinners.

Friday night games at the high school are tradition in the US. Saturday football is tradition in my living room. All signs of September.

Oversized sweaters and sweater socks. Blankets and lazing - a lovely thought.

September is a time to sit back and relax. How you relax is up to you, but that is some of what September means to me. Slow October's arrival, because with October comes the rake for the all the leaves . . .

The Big Outing

As an ICU nurse, I often do not see patients for a long period of time. I see them in their weakest state and try to nurture them back to a state of mending. Often I will tend to patients that can't make their needs known because they are on a mechanical ventilator. I love caring for the sick, and I enjoy the challenge of making them better. The other side of the coin is that I see patients deteriorating and often I find myself reassuring and comforting families that we are caring for their loved ones and assist them onto their final phase of life. The thing I miss most in working in the ICU is seeing people go home. Hardly ever do I discharge a patient back to their homes. I use to enjoy wheeling a patient down to their cars and seeing them drive away happy to be released from the hospital.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day. One of those perfect days that you don't want to end. In the summer time I always try to eat my lunch outside on the patio off our cafeteria. Yesterday was one of those days when I was sitting out by myself, reading my novel and trying to forget that I had to go back upstairs to work in a half an hour. The sky was a perfect blue with not a cloud in the sky, and there was a nice breeze that would come by and make the temperature perfect.

Upon returning to the unit and to my two patients I found myself with an idea. I was going to take my patient outside today.

My patient has been in our unit since March. He has had many complications and is now ventilator dependent. He has been outside one other time since March. One time. One time in almost six months. Not to mention that he was in our unit starting in January, and was transferred out to another sub-acute facility. So really, counting his two ambulance rides, he has been outside 3 times since January. I called the doctor and got the approval to "Go outside, let him enjoy it".

Yesterday was a good day for my patient. He had his speaking valve in his trach and was eating ice cream. Chocolate ice cream is his favourite. His doting wife was at his bedside, just happy to hear his voice again. He hadn't had his talking valve on in about a week. He ate 2 cups of Chocolate Ice Cream. He was happy. I walked into the room as he was watching TV. He loves all the old shows, like "Leave it to Beaver", "I love Lucy", all that stuff. It is always on in a loud volume because his hearing isn't that good.
He smiles at me as I stand beside. It is nice to see him smile, his chocolate coated lips. I take a wash cloth and wipe off his lips and say to him.
"Can you do me a favor?"
"Sure, darling" He says as he looks at me with anticipation.
I ask him to keep his pulse ox monitor on for the next 30 minutes because I want to watch his oxygen level. He has a habit of taking his finger probe off. I would too if I had been wearing it for 6 months.
He shakes his head and says okay. Then I drop the bomb shell on him.
I tell him "If your oxygen level remains stable, I was wondering if you would like to go outside for a bit today. It is a perfect day, not too humid..."
"OH yes!" He grabs his finger probe and puts it on his finger. His wife squeals with joy at the bedside saying "Really Kelly?"
I shake my head, saying I have gotten the "OK". I tell him it will be about 30 minutes. He looks at the clock and calculates how many minutes it will be until 30 minutes are here. His wife grabs her cell phone and races out to call their 6 kids. The definition of happiness is radiating from both of them.
As I am in the room, getting prepared to go outside. Getting the cardiac chair. Unhooking his j-tube, unhooking his Picc, getting the right oxygen hook up and oxygen tank and unhooking him from the monitor, my patient turns to me and says
"Where are we going to go?"
I say back to him "Where do you want to go?"
He looks at me straight in the eyes and says simply "Home."

Three of us pull him over to the chair. We sit him up he says he his uncomfortable. We lay him back and put more pillows under his sore bottom. 3 pillows in total. We sit him up again and he says it is "okay" and he wants to go.

His wife and I head outside me pushing a chair that really did have a mind of its own, and is pretty tall and hard for me to see over. We head down the hallway to the doorway and it is tiled flooring. Thunk, thunk, thunk. We get to the outside door and we are outside. The air hits him in the face and he smiles. Then he grimaces. He is in pain. So much pain that he wants to go back upstairs. The tiled floor had shifted his position in the chair and he was no longer comfortable. His bottom is again sore.

The great outing only lasted 5 minutes but it was worth it when he grabbed my hand as I was busy hooking him back up and he said to me "Thank you."